Written by Grace Whittaker
In the lead-up to the International Day of Friendship, all the people who matter most to me have been on my mind. In the last year of my undergraduate degree, I am reflecting on 20 years’ worth of people who have influenced my life. Therefore, I would like to present to you the most valuable truths I have learned about friendship.
Some people arrive at university arm in arm with pre-existing friends, ready to take it on as a united front. Others cling to the hope that O-week will provide them with the opportunity to find the ones who will stick with them from day dot.
You’ll meet new people through class, accommodation, clubs, events, work, mutual friends, and common spaces such as the library. You’ll meet people in your first year and in your last. You’ll make friends with people who you may eventually drift away from, some who you will reconnect with, and others who’ll be by your side for years to come.
I’ve spent so much time filled with gratitude for the friends I’ve had since childhood, the ones who have come and gone, and those who I currently hold dear.
There is a saying that friendships enter our lives for a reason, a season, or for a lifetime. I cannot preach enough that no matter which category our friends fall into, they all hold a significant amount of value in some, if not every, stage of our lives. Whether they taught us a lesson, were there when we needed someone, or made us laugh or feel loved, they all had value, even if only for a short time. Some friendships aren’t destined to be forever, and others come far later in life than we may have liked. No matter what, there was a purpose behind your paths crossing when they did.
Friendships are about vulnerability. The kind where we recognise each other not as strangers but as fellow travellers who are living for the first time. We are constantly learning, growing, and changing. While change is relevant across our whole lives, our twenties are inundated with it. This can be a challenge. We may drift away from some friends, connect with new ones, and face obstacles we may not have expected.
Here is my reminder that if you face any of this, we are all human. So, give yourself and everyone else a little courtesy and kindness because, at the end of the day, we are all just doing our best to navigate life.
Uni will be so full of adventures, new faces, and lifelong memories. For anyone feeling doubt about the connections they are making, or even a lack of connections, here’s what I have to say. It’s okay not to ‘click’ with everyone. Each person is so different in a multitude of ways, and while that doesn’t make us all enemies, perhaps it means we just aren’t each other’s people. While it may not sound as straightforward as it seems, please, find those who are your people. The kind who share your values, respect boundaries, and, most of all, find their own joy in seeing you happy.
I have made some of my dearest friends at many different stages of life. Some I have grown up with, glued to the hip. Others I have picked up along the way, including during my time at uni.
Go chat with that person beside you in a lecture, go out for ice cream with your housemates, join clubs and teams, and say yes to that group study invitation. Your future besties are right there waiting for you!
One thing I have found evident in all my friendships is mutual understanding, trust and unconditional love. Effort is always shared, albeit unevenly at times. It’s honestly like riding a seesaw. We take turns trying to hoist the other person up when they are down.
In my studies of human behaviour and psychology, our species continues to amaze me. How beautiful it is that we travellers can willingly choose to travel together when we do not begin on the same road as each other. All I can say is this: love those who cross your path, whether it be for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Charlie blog is a SSAF initiative.
