Written by Maddie Brennan
No one really prepares you for the identity whiplash of coming back home from uni.
Home friends know my lore. Uni friends know about my current life disasters (there’s always plenty)
My home friends know the embarrassing high school version of me. They remember who I had a crush on when I was 16, the phases I swore were “definitely permanent,” the personality traits I’ve since retired. Around them, I sometimes feel like I’m being gently haunted by my former self.
Uni friends, on the other hand, met me as I am now. They don’t know the backstory and I don’t have to explain my character development arc. They just accept the version of me that showed up on campus one random day and started trauma-bonding over deadlines 🙂
That difference alone changes the entire vibe.
I’m more filtered with home friends
With home friends, I notice myself holding back. Not because I don’t trust them, but because it feels weird to introduce a “new version” of myself to people who already think they know me. There’s this small pressure to stay consistent with who I used to be.
At uni, I don’t feel that pressure. I can change my mind, my opinions, my aesthetic, my entire personality mid-semester and no one’s like, “Wait, but you weren’t like this in 2019.” There’s freedom in being met where you are, not where you were.
Shared history vs shared reality
Home friendships are built over years. Inside jokes with no origin story. Comfort that doesn’t need maintenance. You can go months without talking and still pick up where you left off.
Uni friendships are built on proximity and the present. They know what I’m stressed about right now. They see me during my most chaotic, unfinished era. They’re the people who witness my small daily breakdowns and my tiny wins in real time.
One group knows who I’ve been. The other knows who I’m becoming.
Different friends, different needs
When I want to feel grounded, nostalgic, or reminded of where I came from—I think of my home friends.
When I want to talk about my future, my fears, my half-formed dreams—I think of my uni friends.
Sometimes I need stability. Sometimes I need growth. It turns out one group can’t give you everything but that’s totally okay.
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